Yes, I am sure my husband and I are most definitely nominated after this holiday weekend. The one thing I will say about my 4 year old is that she can sleep. Thank goodness, because so can her momma. On weekends, we have been known to sleep as late as 11am. I know, it is miraculous. I think it must just be hereditary because I really do not think we are super genious parents.
This Saturday morning, we should have known something was up when the 4 year old came into our bedroom at 5am. She had been suffering from allergies, a cold, etc. for a couple of days. So she had been having little coughing episodes, but nothing to get all bent out of shape about. This particular morning, she came in to tell us, " I had a cough bone".
"A cough bone?" I thought, "Wonder what that is?"
My husband asked her to repeat it.
"I had a cough bone." she told us again.
I assumed she had another little snotty sneeze, and instructed her to wash her hands and go to bed. So she did.
After she left, my husband asked, "What the hell is a cough bone?"
"Uh dunno." I mumbled.
5 hours later...
I got up and fixed her a bowl of cereal. We enjoyed an hour worth of cartoons. She sat in the recliner happily chirping away when suddenly, I looked at her.
The entire left side of her hair and shirt were covered with dried, orange vomit. I jumped up and ran to her bedroom. Her sheets and her new quilt I just made her a few weeks ago were also covered with the dried orange yuckness!!
I told her to get in the bathtub immediately. She argued,
"Why Momma? I had a bath yesterday." Then it dawned on me that my child has never, and I mean NEVER thrown up. She coughed until she gagged and vomitted the night before, and she didn't even know how to explain what happened.
Some parents we are.
Incidentally, she had a little wet toot issue today. She explained it by telling me,
"Uh oh, Momma, I think I wiped wrong." Judging by the mess, it happened well before she got to the appropriate place to wipe. My husband, relieved he didn't get the call for help this time, asked if she called it a "panty bone".
Monday, April 5, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Bablical Bibble
Every evening, the 4 year old get s a night night story. Most of the time, if she chooses a long story, I can still madlib my way through it (managing to stick a few pages together) so long as she doesn’t notice. On a really good night, she will choose the shortest story ever, and I am done in a jiffy.
Recently, the 4 year old picked out a book at the store that served several needs. It was a children’s Bible. It was intended to help those learning to read, but it works as a regular story book all the same. It has wonderful pictures, and about 4 to 5 sentences per story BONUS!! Out of a guilty conscience, I agreed to read two stories (of her choice) when she chooses this book. Her process of elimination is very predictable. She loves babies and animals. Therefore, if there is a picture of a baby or an animal, she will stop on that story. Out of the 2 months that we have had the book, she has only asked me to read “The Story of Moses”, “Daniel and the Lion’s Den”, and “The Story of Baby Jesus”.
Tonight, I was primed and ready for all of those little “why?” questions. For instance,
“Why did Moses’ mother put him in a basket in the river?”
“Because he was in danger, of course.” Although in today’s time, someone would have most certainly called CPS on her for that.
After the story of Moses, she went straight to an old favorite, the Story of Baby Jesus. I read through the five or six simple sentences. It didn’t even use the words “Wise Men” or “ Magi”. It just said “Kings from the East brought him gifts.”
“Why did they take that to him?” she asked.
“What?”
“Those gifts,” she pointed to the shiny stuff in the picture.
“That’s gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” I explained.
“Why would they give that to him?”
“I guess because they were expensive gifts???”
“But those are breakable!” she said. “They should not have given those to him!”
Recently, the 4 year old picked out a book at the store that served several needs. It was a children’s Bible. It was intended to help those learning to read, but it works as a regular story book all the same. It has wonderful pictures, and about 4 to 5 sentences per story BONUS!! Out of a guilty conscience, I agreed to read two stories (of her choice) when she chooses this book. Her process of elimination is very predictable. She loves babies and animals. Therefore, if there is a picture of a baby or an animal, she will stop on that story. Out of the 2 months that we have had the book, she has only asked me to read “The Story of Moses”, “Daniel and the Lion’s Den”, and “The Story of Baby Jesus”.
Tonight, I was primed and ready for all of those little “why?” questions. For instance,
“Why did Moses’ mother put him in a basket in the river?”
“Because he was in danger, of course.” Although in today’s time, someone would have most certainly called CPS on her for that.
After the story of Moses, she went straight to an old favorite, the Story of Baby Jesus. I read through the five or six simple sentences. It didn’t even use the words “Wise Men” or “ Magi”. It just said “Kings from the East brought him gifts.”
“Why did they take that to him?” she asked.
“What?”
“Those gifts,” she pointed to the shiny stuff in the picture.
“That’s gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” I explained.
“Why would they give that to him?”
“I guess because they were expensive gifts???”
“But those are breakable!” she said. “They should not have given those to him!”
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Chirp Chirp Chirp
Conversation with 4 year old:
As I was sanding and staining one of our guest beds in the garage this weekend, my very bored 4 year old stood closely by riddling me with very important 4 year old questions.
“Can I ride my bike out here?”
“No, not right now.”
“Huh?”
“No, not right now.”
“Huh?”
“No, not right now.”
“What’d you say?”
“Is something wrong with your ears, or do you have selective hearing?”
“No, nuffing is wong with my ears. I just can’t hear you when I’m listening to sumting else.”
“What on earth are you listening to?”
Pause…
“The birds chirping.”
I stood quietly and noticed, indeed the birds were chirping. Funny, I had been working out there for 2 hours and hadn’t even noticed.
As I was sanding and staining one of our guest beds in the garage this weekend, my very bored 4 year old stood closely by riddling me with very important 4 year old questions.
“Can I ride my bike out here?”
“No, not right now.”
“Huh?”
“No, not right now.”
“Huh?”
“No, not right now.”
“What’d you say?”
“Is something wrong with your ears, or do you have selective hearing?”
“No, nuffing is wong with my ears. I just can’t hear you when I’m listening to sumting else.”
“What on earth are you listening to?”
Pause…
“The birds chirping.”
I stood quietly and noticed, indeed the birds were chirping. Funny, I had been working out there for 2 hours and hadn’t even noticed.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Too Many Monologues (A Reaction to This Week’s Grey’s Anatomy)
I watch TV strictly for easy-watching enjoyment. I have no suspension of disbelief anyway. So I try to stick with comedy because no need to be realistic… if you’re funny, I’ll watch anyway. That being said, even without a suspension of disbelief , I can occasionally get into a drama if I have some sort of connection. Greys hooked me the 1st season with their very distinct characters. Though I was annoyed by whiny Izzy’s character spending an entire episode on a bathroom floor and another in front of the hospital, I made exceptions to enjoy the meat of the show.
Now I am drawing a line. I am so sick of the long list of self-righteous monologues cluttering up the story line that I would rather vomit and eat it than to watch the show anymore. I can’t even count the number of unrealistic speeches by all of the characters, but the entire episode was riddled with them:
Meredith’s speech to her colleagues about it being “their hospital”
Izzy’s speech to the new intern about how they don’t treat each other poorly and would die throwing themselves in front of buses to save strangers.
Meredith’s little sister’s speech to a thief/patient about taking something personal from someone else.
Arizona’s speech to Callie’s father about how she may be gay, but she is still the person her father raised her to be.
Yang’s speech about how she hasn’t held a heart in her hands in months.
Callie’s speech to her father about how he is not Jesus and should not judge her.
GET REAL!!!
The only monologue I heard in real life today was my own as I bitched to a co-worker about these stupid, unrealistic monologues.
Fire the writers and start from scratch!!
I have a toddler with more creativity.
Now I am drawing a line. I am so sick of the long list of self-righteous monologues cluttering up the story line that I would rather vomit and eat it than to watch the show anymore. I can’t even count the number of unrealistic speeches by all of the characters, but the entire episode was riddled with them:
Meredith’s speech to her colleagues about it being “their hospital”
Izzy’s speech to the new intern about how they don’t treat each other poorly and would die throwing themselves in front of buses to save strangers.
Meredith’s little sister’s speech to a thief/patient about taking something personal from someone else.
Arizona’s speech to Callie’s father about how she may be gay, but she is still the person her father raised her to be.
Yang’s speech about how she hasn’t held a heart in her hands in months.
Callie’s speech to her father about how he is not Jesus and should not judge her.
GET REAL!!!
The only monologue I heard in real life today was my own as I bitched to a co-worker about these stupid, unrealistic monologues.
Fire the writers and start from scratch!!
I have a toddler with more creativity.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Aminal Rights (Even Those That are Extinct)
The 4 year old instigated a very serious conversation the other day which went like this:
4 Year Old: “Did you know your Dad shoots aminals?”
I: “Who told you that?”
4 Year Old: “Gammee”
I: “Why did Gammee tell you that?”
4 Year Old: “Because he has guns”
I: “What animals has he been shooting?”
4 Year Old: “Oh, I don’t know…tigers, deers, giraffes and dinosaurs.”
After our little talk, I called my mother to see if she would convince Dad to get me a giraffe for my living room. I may have to cut a hole in the ceiling to fit it in there, but I think it would make an awesome conversation piece.
4 Year Old: “Did you know your Dad shoots aminals?”
I: “Who told you that?”
4 Year Old: “Gammee”
I: “Why did Gammee tell you that?”
4 Year Old: “Because he has guns”
I: “What animals has he been shooting?”
4 Year Old: “Oh, I don’t know…tigers, deers, giraffes and dinosaurs.”
After our little talk, I called my mother to see if she would convince Dad to get me a giraffe for my living room. I may have to cut a hole in the ceiling to fit it in there, but I think it would make an awesome conversation piece.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A Fond Look Back at Innocence
Want cute? Try taking a canoe ride with a 4 year old and a baby daschund. They were both so happy this weekend to be there that the roasting sun and hot life jackets could not deter the joy. Plus, there is that innocence that keeps them unaware of the hazardous creatures sharing the river with us such as snakes and snapping turtles. Although the memory of my first (and last) snapping turtle injury is seared permanently in my brain from way back when I was her age, she will never know the joy of holding an undomesticated animal. I, unlike my parents, do not pick up snapping turtles and let my toddler keep them as pets. I would also not let my toddler pet a turtle’s head as my parents did one steamy summer evening. Sadly, there were only 3 options available to us back then:
1. Cut off my finger
2. Wait for lightning to strike
3. Kill Snappy
Dad quickly chose option 3.
Anyway, I suppose Mom and Dad would not have put a life jacket on me and my dog either. As a matter of fact, they probably would have driven my siblings and me out to the river on the toolbox in the back of the pickup. (Why bother with seatbelts). I’m sure there would not have been a well-thought-out ice chest full of water and snacks for us as one of Mom’s favorite responses to, “I’m thirsty!” was always, “Want me to spit in your mouth?”
Those were the days. They also made sure to stop and feed us wild grapes whenever they saw some. Not many people know what that’s like, but they are delicious! Sadly, if there is no drink available, the acid in them will immediately blister your lips and mouth. Even Mom’s spit couldn’t fix that.
Another thing…sunscreen? I bathe my child in it. She is so well-protected she looks like Casper. When I was her age, it was nothing for me to be sporting 2nd degree urn blisters from the day before while swimming unprotected for hours in direct sun…nothing a little vinegar and real aloe vera wouldn’t fix. I would just sleep closer to the opened window letting the allergens float in all night to my feverish skin and sip on my whiskey, lemon and honey hot toddy if the allergens made me wheezy.
I did, however, survive my childhood somehow, minus seatbelts, sunscreen, life jackets, epi pens, and a host of other precautions that seem to now just be part of life. Unfortunately, I probably will have early wrinkles and melanoma. Certainly I enjoy drinking too much as an adult although I haven’t had a hot toddy in a while.
1. Cut off my finger
2. Wait for lightning to strike
3. Kill Snappy
Dad quickly chose option 3.
Anyway, I suppose Mom and Dad would not have put a life jacket on me and my dog either. As a matter of fact, they probably would have driven my siblings and me out to the river on the toolbox in the back of the pickup. (Why bother with seatbelts). I’m sure there would not have been a well-thought-out ice chest full of water and snacks for us as one of Mom’s favorite responses to, “I’m thirsty!” was always, “Want me to spit in your mouth?”
Those were the days. They also made sure to stop and feed us wild grapes whenever they saw some. Not many people know what that’s like, but they are delicious! Sadly, if there is no drink available, the acid in them will immediately blister your lips and mouth. Even Mom’s spit couldn’t fix that.
Another thing…sunscreen? I bathe my child in it. She is so well-protected she looks like Casper. When I was her age, it was nothing for me to be sporting 2nd degree urn blisters from the day before while swimming unprotected for hours in direct sun…nothing a little vinegar and real aloe vera wouldn’t fix. I would just sleep closer to the opened window letting the allergens float in all night to my feverish skin and sip on my whiskey, lemon and honey hot toddy if the allergens made me wheezy.
I did, however, survive my childhood somehow, minus seatbelts, sunscreen, life jackets, epi pens, and a host of other precautions that seem to now just be part of life. Unfortunately, I probably will have early wrinkles and melanoma. Certainly I enjoy drinking too much as an adult although I haven’t had a hot toddy in a while.
Friday, July 3, 2009
To Pee or Not to Pee
Is it truly that hard to house train a puppy? The first night with our new pup, we decided to put him in bed with us. I took precautionary measures and placed the pee-proof baby bed mattress protector that my daughter once used between my husband and me. After a lot of hopping, licking, and craziness, my hubby decided to move him to the foot of the bed (with the protector). 3 seconds later, the dog ran back up between us and peed. I don’t know why we tried so hard. We never even let the 3 yr old in bed with us. So why would we let this urine dropping terrorist take over?
Now, we watch his every move, rushing him outside at the slightest wiggle to prevent a mess…right after he eats, right after he drinks, right when he wakes up, right when he inhales, right when he exhales… inside, outside, inside, outside. Yet still, he finds a way to pee on the floor as we all simultaneously blink our eyes.
Would it be bad of me to just buy some of those puppy diapers and just give it up at this point?
Now, we watch his every move, rushing him outside at the slightest wiggle to prevent a mess…right after he eats, right after he drinks, right when he wakes up, right when he inhales, right when he exhales… inside, outside, inside, outside. Yet still, he finds a way to pee on the floor as we all simultaneously blink our eyes.
Would it be bad of me to just buy some of those puppy diapers and just give it up at this point?
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