Parents of The Year

Yes, I am sure my husband and I are most definitely nominated after this holiday weekend. The one thing I will say about my 4 year old is that she can sleep. Thank goodness, because so can her momma. On weekends, we have been known to sleep as late as 11am. I know, it is miraculous. I think it must just be hereditary because I really do not think we are super genious parents.

This Saturday morning, we should have known something was up when the 4 year old came into our bedroom at 5am. She had been suffering from allergies, a cold, etc. for a couple of days. So she had been having little coughing episodes, but nothing to get all bent out of shape about. This particular morning, she came in to tell us, " I had a cough bone".
"A cough bone?" I thought, "Wonder what that is?"
My husband asked her to repeat it.
"I had a cough bone." she told us again.
I assumed she had another little snotty sneeze, and instructed her to wash her hands and go to bed. So she did.
After she left, my husband asked, "What the hell is a cough bone?"
"Uh dunno." I mumbled.

5 hours later...

I got up and fixed her a bowl of cereal. We enjoyed an hour worth of cartoons. She sat in the recliner happily chirping away when suddenly, I looked at her.

The entire left side of her hair and shirt were covered with dried, orange vomit. I jumped up and ran to her bedroom. Her sheets and her new quilt I just made her a few weeks ago were also covered with the dried orange yuckness!!

I told her to get in the bathtub immediately. She argued,
"Why Momma? I had a bath yesterday." Then it dawned on me that my child has never, and I mean NEVER thrown up. She coughed until she gagged and vomitted the night before, and she didn't even know how to explain what happened.

Some parents we are.

Incidentally, she had a little wet toot issue today. She explained it by telling me,
"Uh oh, Momma, I think I wiped wrong." Judging by the mess, it happened well before she got to the appropriate place to wipe. My husband, relieved he didn't get the call for help this time, asked if she called it a "panty bone".

Bablical Bibble

Every evening, the 4 year old get s a night night story. Most of the time, if she chooses a long story, I can still madlib my way through it (managing to stick a few pages together) so long as she doesn’t notice. On a really good night, she will choose the shortest story ever, and I am done in a jiffy.
Recently, the 4 year old picked out a book at the store that served several needs. It was a children’s Bible. It was intended to help those learning to read, but it works as a regular story book all the same. It has wonderful pictures, and about 4 to 5 sentences per story BONUS!! Out of a guilty conscience, I agreed to read two stories (of her choice) when she chooses this book. Her process of elimination is very predictable. She loves babies and animals. Therefore, if there is a picture of a baby or an animal, she will stop on that story. Out of the 2 months that we have had the book, she has only asked me to read “The Story of Moses”, “Daniel and the Lion’s Den”, and “The Story of Baby Jesus”.
Tonight, I was primed and ready for all of those little “why?” questions. For instance,
“Why did Moses’ mother put him in a basket in the river?”
“Because he was in danger, of course.” Although in today’s time, someone would have most certainly called CPS on her for that.
After the story of Moses, she went straight to an old favorite, the Story of Baby Jesus. I read through the five or six simple sentences. It didn’t even use the words “Wise Men” or “ Magi”. It just said “Kings from the East brought him gifts.”
“Why did they take that to him?” she asked.
“What?”
“Those gifts,” she pointed to the shiny stuff in the picture.
“That’s gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” I explained.
“Why would they give that to him?”
“I guess because they were expensive gifts???”
“But those are breakable!” she said. “They should not have given those to him!”