Times Have "Changed"

In my time off, I decided to be frugal as the 3-year-old’s 4th birthday approaches, and her wish list steadily grows. For some reason I thought this might be “the year” for that outdoor cedar play set even though she hasn’t mentioned anything about it.
I thought a wonderful way to subsidize the hit to savings that the birthday would cost would be to ask for her participation. I approached her about her pink piggy bank in which she has been accumulating savings since just before her short life began. That way we could afford an even “better” birthday gift this year.
She agreed, and I promised to throw in the contents of my piggy bank (which I recently re-discovered on a trip to clean out the attic.) So we pulled the stopper on her little bank and let the contents roll out (which took all of 5 seconds). Wads of crisp $20’s and mounds of $1 gold, shiny coins (from the Leprechauns who frequently scatter them in our backyard when Pawpaw visits) poured onto the table. I began tallying the goods. As I counted and piled, the toddler began asking her barrage of crazy questions to test my mad, non-calculator counting skills. Mid-count, she said,
“I love my pennies, do my pennies love me? Huh Momma? Do my pennies love me?
“Shhh!!!” I shushed her to try to keep count.
“Do my pennies love me?” she whispered.
“AAUUGGH!!!” I lost count and had a Charlie Brown moment. I wanted to put the bank stopper in her mouth.
Starting again, I finally counted the ridiculous amount of money, which I saw was a few bucks shy of my 401k balance. Now to mine… I quickly saw some real differences. One, the worn copper color of the old coins could be seen through my glass piggy bank. Two, there was no d*** stopper to get the coins out! This is what’s wrong with people today. They don’t know how to save the real way. You used to have to sacrifice your bank to spend your savings. Now there is this bottomless black hole where coins can come out with no consequence.
I noticed that the top slot had a crack in it (probably done by my father years ago in desperation for a soda). If you angled the bank just right and shook it back and forth, one or two pennies would plop out at a time. 30 minutes later, with biceps and forearms quivering, I successfully emptied my 1970’s model bank and began my count (after throwing out a few soda tabs I had saved for some reason). Counting was difficult because the toddler simultaneously counting coins as she put her shiny, new ones back into her new bank with the easy-access ass. Counting was easy until she got louder,
“Twelveteen, threeteen,” and a bunch of other non-sensical numbers.
“AAUUGGH!” – starting over.
My table now looked like a sea of nasty brown piles, and my hands looked as though I had been playing the nickel slots at Harrah’s.

After all of this, totals are in:

3 year old:
$114.00 – Bills
$141.00 – Gold Coins
$7.00 – Quarters
$3.00 – Dimes and Nickels
$0.65 – Nickels and Pennies
Total $265.65 (Check my work, I was distracted)

Mine:
$8.45 – Pennies
$0.50 – Quarters
$0.40 – Dimes
$0.10 – Nickels
Total $9.45 (Going to go wash my hands now).
Why in the h*** have I been saving this crap since the 1970’s? Why was my Pawpaw so cheap?
Signing off to apply for a loan with the only person in the US who still has $... my 3 year old.